Don't Look for Me

I started out with all the best intentions,
But instead I drove them all away,
Through all the drugs and countless interventions,
I never got to find my brighter day.
So now I'm lost without a smile this season,
No one to hold me or to dry my tears,
And I'm so tired of searching for a reason.
Nobody loved me, it's my greatest fear...

[Chorus]
So don't look for me, 'cause I'm no longer there
Don't wait for me 'cause I no longer care
Don't say my name in mourning,
Don't shed a tear for me.
You were never there when I needed you to be.

I gave my best but still I'm left with nothing,
So why should I continue here to try?
When I only ever wanted to feel something,
Besides the cold embrace of hateful lies.
And I have made mistakes, it's true I've faltered,
But I am not the wretch that they perceive.
If their view of me was only slightly altered,
Maybe they could finally believe.

I have grown so weary of this battle.
I fight a war I'm never going to win.
So I'm packing up, farewell to old Seattle,
I hope to never grace your streets again.
Just tell them all I'm sorry that I failed them,
I hate to let you down but I'm so tired.
They say Hell's road is paved with good intentions,
And I'm sick of trying to put out friendly fires.

Days Gone By

Have you ever found yourself yearning for days gone by?

The innocence of youth, without a question of "Why?"

Laughing and playing 'til you wore yourself out,

Not a care in the world, nor a fear or a doubt.

When money was a thing for grown-ups to worry,

And time wasn't lost in the hustle and hurry.

When hours could be spent playing out in the sun,

Exploring and climbing {trees} were just half our fun.

Now the time quickly passes with the worries of life,

Maybe work, maybe money, or kids and a wife,

The hours spent outside have now dwindled to nil,

And I've traded adventure for just sitting still.

As I listen to laughter just outside my door,

I reminisce of toys spread out over the floor,

The meaningless games we invented, somehow

mean so much more when I think of them now.

'Cause we spent time together, and I miss that so much,

I long for the love and the laughter and such.

As I think back I can't keep from shedding a tear,

It hurts that those closest are so far from here.

I know that they're only a phone call away,

But I often wish we were together today.

If you haven't seen one you love in a while,

Let them know you still care, send a hug or a smile.

And if you have strength at the end of your day,

take the time, go outside, have some fun, just GO PLAY!

Sweet Bliss

Tossing and turning in a sea of blankets,
my mind once again on autopilot.
It's 3 am and yet, though I'm exhausted,
my brain barrels on at breakneck speed.
Thinking of lost love and life after death;
wondering the meaning of life, besides of course 42.
Wishing there was a magical spell to switch off my head so I can rest.
When an epiphany occurs!
Might music calm the spirits within?
Soon "The Sound of Silence" is playing softly in my ears.
I can feel my mind start to fade and my troubles melt.
As my eyelids slowly droop, my conscious dissolves into sweet blissful nothing.
Ah, sleep at last!

Under the Bridge

This is a photo I took recently, just off WA-529 near Marysville.




You can see more of my photographic work here.

For Shawn (RIP)

I drew this back in February and completely forgot about posting it here until just now. It's based on a drawing my friend Shawn did back in high school. Sadly, Shawn committed suicide shortly after I left Indiana.

Holding on Hope

*Disclaimer: The lyrics of the first two verses do not reflect my current feelings. They are inspired by past events and what I felt then.



It's over.

I finally get it, it all makes such perfect sense now.

Still love her,

But I should forget it, and let it all go somehow.

I cry out in pain and despair,

But it's quiet 'cause no one's there...



No more holding on hope,

I let go of this rope,

'cause I know that this is the end.

As I fall to the abyss,

I look back and reminisce,

to the time when we still were just friends.

But in the end, I never could make amends...



She hates me.

If anyone asks, just tell them the facts so they know.

I screwed up,

and left her alone so that I could go home, why'd I go?

Well I've shed so many tears,

and it seems that only God hears...



(repeat chorus)



But suicide isn't the answer, or the cure for insanity's cancer...



So I'm holding on hope,

Got a grip on my rope,

'cause I know that it's not the end.

I will climb 'til I'm free

Of the pain haunting me,

and the heartbreak I felt in my chest.

Get some rest, and I'm finally on the mend.



I found her.

She's just right for me, it seems meant to be. It all makes such perfect sense now... :)

Dear Sanity (original song)

Dear Sanity,
I'm writing you this letter just to tell you how I've been
This last season of heartbreak, it has all but done me in
She told me that she loved me then she said she had to go,
And whether she'll come back to me, I guess only God knows.

Dear Sanity,
It's cold and lonely in this room with padding on the walls,
Am I the only one who hears her whisper in the halls?
No one else can see the face that's etched upon my mind,
And Solitaire with 51 can't help me pass the time...

Dear Sanity,
I really miss the outside world and all its simple thrills,
And I'm so sick of taking all these stupid mental pills
The voices in my head won't shut up when I need to sleep
But any time I feel alone, they never make a peep!

Dear Sanity,
What I wouldn't give to just take my straitjacket off
The canvas is so itchy, why can't it be Snuggle soft?
And they just shoot me up with drugs when I try to complain,
It's no wonder I'm in here, 'cause I'm truly insane.

Dear Sanity,
Someday soon I hope we can get back in touch again
'cause I don't want to stay at the asylum I've been in
I hope this letter reaches you, I know it's been a while
Since I talked like a normal guy and made you laugh and smile...
...oh wait, that's Ariel I'm thinking of, whatever, never mind.
But I guess that it's excusable since I have lost my mind.

Signed, The Purple Sprite... Or was it Sam Phillips? I can't remember.... :)