Don't Look for Me

I started out with all the best intentions,
But instead I drove them all away,
Through all the drugs and countless interventions,
I never got to find my brighter day.
So now I'm lost without a smile this season,
No one to hold me or to dry my tears,
And I'm so tired of searching for a reason.
Nobody loved me, it's my greatest fear...

[Chorus]
So don't look for me, 'cause I'm no longer there
Don't wait for me 'cause I no longer care
Don't say my name in mourning,
Don't shed a tear for me.
You were never there when I needed you to be.

I gave my best but still I'm left with nothing,
So why should I continue here to try?
When I only ever wanted to feel something,
Besides the cold embrace of hateful lies.
And I have made mistakes, it's true I've faltered,
But I am not the wretch that they perceive.
If their view of me was only slightly altered,
Maybe they could finally believe.

I have grown so weary of this battle.
I fight a war I'm never going to win.
So I'm packing up, farewell to old Seattle,
I hope to never grace your streets again.
Just tell them all I'm sorry that I failed them,
I hate to let you down but I'm so tired.
They say Hell's road is paved with good intentions,
And I'm sick of trying to put out friendly fires.

Cried My Eyes Out

I wrote this poem in the summer of 2008 and forgot all about it until now.

I cried my eyes out on the plane,
Let go of lots of hurt and pain.
I thought I missed my family,
Now my baby misses me
I cried my eyes out on the plane.

I told her I'd always be there,
Now I'm gone and it's not fair.
Separated by a thousand miles,
wish I could just see her smile
I told her I'd always be there.

I think I caused her too much pain,
and now it's drivin' me insane.
She thought I'd love her till the end,
now all we can be is friends
I think I caused her too much pain.

My former motto: Heartbreak from Hatred

When I was going through my emotional stage, I thought up this motto for my feelings, and it stuck. A classic example of my Gothic style writing fused with art. This particular one was a reflection of the day my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. Hence the slogan, "Another Day, another Heartbreak".

Heart in Hand (My most graphic drawing to date)

I drew this while looking at a college textbook for anatomy. It was pretty tough to draw.

Need to Belong

I'm so alone and I feel like no one cares,
I try to pray but it seems like God's not there.
I've lost my mind, try to find the reason why they hate,
I am confused why my soul is in such a state.

My head is hurting and my brain is getting numb,
Ruined my life, now I feel like a bum.
All along, as I sing this song, it all feels so wrong;
My soul was cursed, from my birth, with the need to belong.

(Chorus)
I'm trapped inside the feelings of my soul,
it's like I've fallen into a never-ending hole.
I go insane, I've fallen for so long;
Feeling the pain from my need to belong.

I try to stand, but it feels my legs aren't there,
Please hold my hand, the pain's too much to bear.
I'm deserted in this dead and desolate place;
It hurts me that I can't see her pretty face.

My heart is beating and it seems like a drum;
I'm not prepared for what pain is yet to come.
My ears ring as I sing, like the sound of a gong,
I've been cursed from my birth with the need to belong.

Oxymoron

I look to the sky, tears stream down my face;
I don't want to die, gone without a trace.
The pain is so unreal, can't seem to see the light;
You can't hear or feel, the darkness in my life.

But I know that won't stop me,
I won't let this bring me down...

(Chorus)
'Cause sometimes pain can feel so good;
Being lonely makes me strong.
I don't wanna do what I should,
'cause it feels so right when it's so wrong.

When she broke my heart, she thought I was weak;
But she just helped me start the revenge that I seek.
She thought I would choke, from the pain & strife,
But I'm fueled by the suffering that cuts me like a knife.

I know she'll never stop me,
I refuse to sink or drown...

I finally conquered the painful memories,
I had to stop them before they killed me.
I cannot let go of this newfound freedom,
For I'm finally ridden of that painful problem.

Wilted Roses

Time goes by so slowly,
I'm dying painfully.
My life is so lonely,
It's all in vain for me.
Ever since you left me,
I have nowhere to go.
I'm blinded and I can't see,
my mind has sunk so low.

(Chorus)
Love's a bunch of wilted roses,
Thorns cut deep inside my heart.
I knelt down and begged and pleaded,
Still hateful words pierce like a dart.

When I look in your eyes,
I feel a burning pain.
All the acid words and lies,
start pulsing through my veins.
I'm nothing but a shell now,
Eroded by this hate.
Before I die I vow to reduce you to my state!